Well i can't sleep and i hate to be alone b/c it gives me time to be sad and think "why"... LIKE: why am i always sad? why do i cry myself to sleep and wake up in the morning thinking "oh my god im still alive?" why am i in love with someone that will never love me? why is it i dont live for 'me' but i live for everyone else? why is it i can only write sad poems about death,pain,heartache, and suicide? why do i hate living? why is it that i never really feel happy? why do i always have to hid my feelings and 'paint a smile on' just to make it through the day? why do i randomly feel like crying for no real reason? why do i think more about death then living? why do i always think about what could be or should be instead of what there really is? and finally.... why wont these feelings just go away? sometimes i just really hate life. i don't live for me, and what do i mean by that? i mean i dont really know why im alive b/c to me life isnt for 'me' its for others. i get some happiness just making others happy, if they are happy, then i am happy. but im never really happy, b/c even when i seem to be there is apart of me screaming out in pain. a side of me that is never happy and just wants to cry. this side often wins out and thats when i end up listening to music, writing, crying, or thinking of death. i wonder if people really love me and/or if they really care. i love my friends and would do anything for them, in fact i would do anything for just about anybody, but would they do the same for me? and i crazy, cracked, or lost it? i hope not... and i know this is long and im sure that nobody will read this but if someone does will u please leave me a message. b/c right now i need my friends more than ever... i love you guys and for that matter anyone willing to care... | 
